'Science' Article of the Week 7: Someone Totally Doing It Somewhere Right Now

CHICAGO—According to a groundbreaking new study published Monday in The Journal Of The American Statistical Association, somewhere on the planet someone is totally doing it at this very moment. Scientists told reporters someone could be doing it right next door. "Of the 6.7 billion inhabitants of Earth, approximately 3.5 billion have reached sexual maturity," said Dr. Jerome Carver, a mathematics professor at the University of Chicago and lead author of the study. "From a statistical perspective, it simply stands to reason that at least two of these inhabitants are totally going at it right now. Like, as we speak."
Onion News January 8, 2008 | Issue 44•02

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